Finally!!!

I have been waiting to write this post for what seems like forever. This has been the longest 12 weeks of my life. I am going to be a mommy!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am finally PREGNANT again and it looks like everything is going well so far. We are so thankful and happy. Estimated due date is mid- late OCT 2009. This actually came as a suprise to me, at least. DC (hubby) is always optimistic and always thought I would be pregnant each month.
Because of my history and because I had a huge cyst on my L ovary, I have been monitored on a weekly basis with ultrasounds with my RE since 5 weeks. This past week we saw our baby moving around and it made me cry! Silly, I know, but I just never thought I would get this far. ever. I have another appointment with my RE next week, then I am back to seeing regular OB.
So far, I haven't really enjoyed this pregnancy just because fear was always lurking around and I had some problems because of the cyst. I think now that I reached (or almost reached) the end of my 1st trimester, I will be able to enjoy it more. I have morning sickness but only vomited a few times. Can't seem to enjoy meat (esp chicken) but love fruit and carbs and sour kimchi .
God, it feels so good to make the announcement. I have been waiting forever. We called family this morning (my MIL and my parents already knew since 5 1/2 weeks) and we will be telling friends next week. So excited!!!

Last day

Friday was my last day at work. Although I am RELIEVED, I still worry about a lot of things. Will we be able to survive on one income? Did I make the right choice to quit at such a critical time in our economy? Have I done all that I can while I was working?
I just have to think positive... we will need to start budgeting better, I need to take care of myself better, and I left work feeling 1000% better and confident.
I will miss some of my coworkers though. I did feel upset when my boss didn't say anything to me before he left on his business trip. I would have said something had I known he was leaving, but when I realized he was going on a business meeting it was too late. I mean I have worked for him a little over 2 years. I have taken on a number of projects and fixed problems on old projects that was given to me, staying late and coming in early to meet deadlines... but I got nothing! No "I really appreciate all you have done, if you need any recommendations don't hesitate to ask", nothing. Although this did make me upset, it just justifies my decision more.
I really like how when I tell this to my mom she turns it on me saying that I must have done/ said something, that I should have been the one to say something first, that he is a busy man to worry about saying goodbye to his employee. Whatever... nothing I do will be right. I am sure in a few weeks she will be telling me I made the biggest mistake.
Anyway, I need to think about my health and take better care of myself. I need to stop worrying about what other people negatively think and say, even if one of those people is my mom...
Here's to a new life of less stress!

*sigh*

This cycle is a bust. WHY, God? I feel so depressed. After having so much hope these past 2 weeks... I really thought this was going to be it. I had all these symptoms (and a dream) that made me think, "this is different so this must be IT, right?". Now I know that I am just crazy.
This would have been the best Christmas gift ever. We are going away this weekend and was hoping that we could celebrate, but I guess that will not be happening. Now, I just want to stay in bed and be depressed. Instead, I will have to put on my "big girl pants" and go on with life.
I have been very diligent with my prayers. God, aren't you listening? Can't you see that this breaks me more and more every month? What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to cope?
I am tired of these invasive procedures, tired of being the only one without kids or pregnant, tired of meeting people and them asking me if I have kids and when we would like to start having a family, tired of pity from friends and family, tired of going month to month with BFNs, tired of clomid and the possibility of cystic rupture or torsion, tired of hoping, tired of holding back the tears and trying to keep myself together, tired of waiting...
I don't want to be angry but I am. Three years, 2 miscarraiges. WTH?

UGH!!!

This 2WW is killing me!

The dreaded wait...

So I had IUI on Wed (3 DEC). I am hopeful that I will get good news this cycle. I may get my Christmas wish after all. :) I am praying hard! I have to admit that reading the OPK sticks are hard to interpret so hopefully I timed it right. UGH! I am so nervous!
I had asked my Dr about my past labs and he said that he was not worried about me having antiphospholipid syndrome because only 1 lab value was borderline and all other labs were normal. I really hope he is right. I need to trust him and trust in God that I am OK.
This week should go by quickly since I have a final on WED to study for (Organic Chem). After WED I need to start my Christmas shopping. Oh, the shopping! I like shopping, but only for myself! I need to think of a good gift for my coworker. I am their secret Santa. I think this is the only gift I am truly stressed about. There is a $20 limit and I have no idea what to get her! I don't want to give a gift card (although it may seem easier) because for me, it just seems like I am not putting thought into the gift and everyone else will be getting/giving actual gifts. Anyway, got to get back to studying... I think I will be OK for this test. I need to make a 74 to make at least a B and 47 to make a C.... I think it is manageable! I wish I had better chance of making a B (or an A even), but I did not do well on my last test. :(

IUI

I got the OK to try to get pregnant this month either by IUI or intercourse. I am excited but nervous. My husband and I decided to that since it has taken so long to get pregnant before, it may be better to try IUI this time. However, after going over my medical records last night (i don't know why I had the need to go over my medical history) but I realized that I may have a blood disorder that may have been the reason why I have had the miscarraiges. I will call my doctor on Monday to consult with him and ask to get one more blood work-up just to be sure, because I will "nut up" if God forbid I have another m/c.

Cystic Rupture

Last night I had severe cramping. It was the familiar cramping I get every once in a while. I went to see my doctor today. He said it looks like the 2 folicles he saw on Monday ruptured and there was free fluid in my abdomen. He also suggested that I may have had mild ovarian torsion where my ovary had twisted on itself. He also said my lining was 10 (day 16) and he said that was good. I still have to go on tues to get another progesterone level.
I am not going to know what to do with myself once I get pregnant. It will be the miracle of miracles.