*sigh*

This cycle is a bust. WHY, God? I feel so depressed. After having so much hope these past 2 weeks... I really thought this was going to be it. I had all these symptoms (and a dream) that made me think, "this is different so this must be IT, right?". Now I know that I am just crazy.
This would have been the best Christmas gift ever. We are going away this weekend and was hoping that we could celebrate, but I guess that will not be happening. Now, I just want to stay in bed and be depressed. Instead, I will have to put on my "big girl pants" and go on with life.
I have been very diligent with my prayers. God, aren't you listening? Can't you see that this breaks me more and more every month? What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to cope?
I am tired of these invasive procedures, tired of being the only one without kids or pregnant, tired of meeting people and them asking me if I have kids and when we would like to start having a family, tired of pity from friends and family, tired of going month to month with BFNs, tired of clomid and the possibility of cystic rupture or torsion, tired of hoping, tired of holding back the tears and trying to keep myself together, tired of waiting...
I don't want to be angry but I am. Three years, 2 miscarraiges. WTH?